problems.

God's showing me that I need to stop wearing myself down with bitterness and anger against myself and humanity in general. He convicted me of my lack of thankfulness some weeks ago. Today I saw that  I need to start being thankful not only for the things around me but for what He's put in me and made me like. I want to watch and see and be thankful for how He's made people, what He's blessed them with, what He's delighted to put in them and grow in them!

I see posts all the time like this:
Problems of being a short girl, problems of being an extrovert, problems of an introvert, problems of an ENFP, blonde probs, etc.
I really dislike posting complaints or venting online; I try to see social media as a venue for encouragement and support, instead. So I was thinking what I would say myself for "probs".
Problems of being a perceiver and compassion person + a work-oriented person +  an introvert with a deep love for people and extrovert with high needs for quiet time to function + a dramatic stage actor who's melodramatic in everyday language +  a creative individual with a quirky memory bank+  a hardcore "go big or go home" personality coupled with a soul that just wants to curl up in a nest away from all civilization.

These problems aren't problems that God didn't design. In fact, I don't think He calls them problems. I believe He actually laughs a little when I see it all as being so complex and confusing. Because He sees the big picture. He knows what's going to happen to- and in- me. But He doesn't hold it there:  He is so full of loving-kindess (He IS loving-kindness), He reaches down and gives me divine moments of comfort, revelations of His truth, assurance of His promises and answers to prayer, every day. He speaks to me through people, His Word, sermons, songs on the radio, movies, memories, books, and though I learn much through many different things, He makes certain things stand out. Those things that stand out are evidently reflective of Him, and immediately make my mind freeze for a second... it's like I get a lightning bolt in my head.  And I know I'm loved. It's all a matter of surrendering all that I am, asking the Lord for His help and strength, remembering Who He is and staying strong in the battlefield of the mind by staying in His word and in prayer. If any one of those four walls get a hole in them, the devil gets a foothold. When I mess up, it doesn't mean the wall is down and I'm done for. Neither does it mean I was playing all along and haven't been saved; if I realize my faults and repent and believe in the forgiveness of my Savior, I am forgiven. See, God is showing me something radical. He does not desire sin. Absolutely not. The times I falter and disobey Him or doubt Him and walk outside His will are not meant to lead me to despair and greater distance from His heart. The times I have conviction and repentance... I am meant to, in those moments, recognize that it is the power of the Holy Spirit within me that makes me see and feel those things that grieve God's heart!
It is good that I feel so deeply.
It is good that I think so much.
The Lord made me so for a reason.
He is all that holds me together; He is the only thing good in me! And yet I've been quenching His Spirit within me by living in disbelief that His Spirit has been given as a gift to me, even though the evidence has been here for years. And I have been ungrateful for the marvelous work He has chosen to do in my life, in me;  I recognize my sin in my lack of thankfulness. God, thank you for being a God of mercy and justice and unfailing love. Thank You for making me the way I am, even if I don't understand it. I want to be grateful for what you've made; I want to stop being judgemental of other's shortcomings and stop fearing to see the good in them because we are all imperfect and only you are Good- but Father, I want to see with bright eyes how You have blessed them, to rejoice in the gifts you give to all Your children, to delight in others as You delight to look upon us. Here is joy in living! To have a thankful heart is to see the world not through rose- colored glasses, but to live with the aching smoke cleared.
All men are like flowers of the field that wither and fall, and the word of the LORD stands forever...... read on in first Peter and we see this:
"As you come to Him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood..."  And it goes on to say we are chosen and called out of darkness into His marvelous light and are urged to abstain from passions of the flesh that wage against our soul.
See, when we say we must set our eyes on things above and keep ourselves from idols, we should certainly not make possessions, ideas, goals or even people or relationships first priorities in life. When we say only God is good and we make Him our one desire, we should certainly never substitute earthly things for our sustenance or satisfaction. Yet I think we miss out on a gift of the Spirit when we ignore the beautiful things God created to specifically place in people: His joy.  He delights in us and He is a God of details. Now that I come to think of it, I can't convince myself that God doesn't wish for us to have the same attitude toward those He claims are made in His image.  Only by His strength can we do it. Only by His love can we understand. Only by His grace can we have knowledge of freedom and only by His wisdom can we walk in confidence.
I had this idea a few months back. What would our community, our church, our circle of friends look like, if we just put each person in the position of royalty or authority? Think about how we talk to and act around rich, royal, or important people. We might speak our minds around them, but we'd do so respectfully if we have the mind of Christ. We might get comfortable and at ease with them, even, the more we get to know them, but we wouldn't be so thoughtless as to personally insult them or threaten them or hold grudges against them-- at least not like we do our loved ones. Isn't that crazy?  So this idea was, what if we treated all men equally: not equally as casually, but equally as important. It's only possible by  Christ's love and power.
That was just an idea that came to mind a while ago. Had I actually implemented it in my life, my past would be different; yet I am amazed and thankful that it's on my mind again and matches what else God is teaching me now.
God is good. I hope He gives you an unquenchable thirst that is only satisfied by being in fellowship with Him. He has more passionate love for you than you can ever comprehend.
Just be thankful today, for what He's done around you and for who He's made you to be. It is all for a purpose. Every little detail.